Food in the Time of COVID (3)

We knew Thanksgiving would be different this year. In the Before Time, our family would travel to Roxbury, CT, to visit my aunt in her beautiful little country home. The setting, and the whole day, was always something out of Norman Rockwell. Nestled in a wooded hollow, that house and all of its features are steeped in memory for me and I love every opportunity to visit. I would cook most of the Thanksgiving meal, which was very New England traditional in terms of the menu. The event itself had become something of an annual “anchor” with the family and was even more important than ever with my aunt recently widowed. It was a time for family to unplug and reconnect across three generations. But this year was cancelled.

Our immediate family of four resigned to a small Thanksgiving together. But while I was visualizing that meal, it occurred to me that I’d probably end up cooking for others as well. My brother and his husband, for example, jumped right on board when I sent a quick text offering to cook their meal as “takeout.” With ready access to Whole Foods, I decided I’d just buy turkey thighs and breasts for the main meal and cook them separately. Brine and pan-roast the breasts, braise the thighs…light and dark meat in their best forms. For the gravy, I’d slow cook turkey necks for a rich stock. Mashed potatoes with an obscene amount of butter, pork sausage stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, cheesy broccoli, green beans and carrots…and voila! Per usual, I bought much of my food on the Friday before, and cooking started over the weekend. (I’ll talk more about actually cooking the meal sometime in the future on a separate post.)

I was waist deep in executing the menu for this year when I got a call from my brother.

“Nate, one of my vendors from work gave me a 21-pound turkey. Do you want it for the meal?”

Well, I didn’t really need it, it would be extra, but under the circumstances, I was the best option for getting it cooked and put to good use.

“Yeah, I’ll take it.”

“Okay, I’m parked outside your house now and will leave it on the porch.”

The turkey, as advertised, was huge. It wasn’t clear to me what I was going to do with so much food. But I quickly started to butcher the bird so I could get the bones rolling for a stock. While I was breaking down the bird, a thought occurred to me. I’m on one of those neighborhood apps where people connect about contractors, yard sales, firewood, recent burglaries, dog walking services, etc. I’ve managed to actually buy and sell a few items from the site, but usually stay away from the messaging as it can be time consuming. Nevertheless, I posted the following:

Thanksgiving Meal Share. Hi all. Through a series of unusual and unexpected circumstances, my family will have more food than we need this Thanksgiving holiday. I'd be happy to cook a meal for a household and, if it's not too far, deliver as well. I could probably deliver it on the day of Thanksgiving "ready to eat," or (preferably) the morning of Thanksgiving in oven-ready containers. Everything would already be cooked..."heat and serve." It might go without saying, but this offer is for a person or family that can use the help (elderly, disabled, strapped for cash, etc.). Send me a message if you think you or someone you know might be interested.

This was posted in the morning, and for several hours people steadily chimed in, thanking me for my generous offer and sending kind words about the meaning of Thanksgiving. That was truly nice to hear, but I still had a turkey to move and no takers. Finally, things started to happen.

A wonderful single mom with three of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen reached out and said she could use a little help for their “feast.” Her warmth and holiday cheer were incredible. It was such a pleasure to cook for her family and she sent me amazing photos of their celebration afterwards.

A young man reached out for help with hosting his father for the holiday. He lamented not being able to put together a holiday meal for the two of them and asked if there were a few items I could offer. We brought over a full Thanksgiving meal and you could see his smile bursting from under his face covering when I passed off the bag. He presented me with a wonderful Thank You card.

A Pawtucket City Council member picked up on the chat and I was connected to a family that would have five people at the dinner table Thanksgiving afternoon. My daughter and I delivered a full spread and, in return, got one of the most authentic and heart-felt “Happy Thanksgiving” wishes imaginable.   

An older woman recently widowed offered to help me in any way she could and, while there wasn’t any way to plug her in to my operation on short notice, we connected a little over chat and text message. My daughter and I drove out to bring her some Thanksgiving fare and a little holiday cheer. Her most recent text included “…I just wanted to thank you again for the Thanksgiving meal. Everything was so delicious…I’ll never forget this Thanksgiving. If I can ever do anything for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. God bless you.”

For those of you doing the math out there and scratching your heads…yes…I was originally going to feed seven and ended up feeding 19. So, it’s true, the one turkey my brother dropped on the front porch did not make up the difference. A little extra last-minute shopping had to happen and a bit of extra cooking. My kids peeled carrots and potatoes until their hands cramped. My wife busted out loaves of pumpkin bread like a professional. But the experience brought our family together in the kitchen. We listened to music and shared some quality family time.

On the day of Thanksgiving, my wife organized all the food and my daughter accompanied me on the deliveries. After returning from dropping off the meals, I was sitting on the couch with my wife just resting…letting the whole experience sink in. I asked her, “What do we take away from all of this? What did we learn?”. She and I tossed around a couple of ideas, some very practical thoughts on “how we do this next time,” along with some other thoughts about who we met along the way and what this says about the state of the world today.

Thanksgiving has now come and gone and I’m still pondering these questions. Maybe we can all use the following ideas as a starting point:

THE NETWORKS ALREADY EXIST. My experience on Thanksgiving shows how easy it can be to connect with people in need. I think there’s a perception held by a lot of well-meaning people that they’re happy to help, but don’t know where to put their efforts. Thanks to the magic of e-communication and a neighborhood app, one simple post connected me to many opportunities.

PERSISTENCE PAYS OFF. There’s more need out there than only a few volunteers can handle. This became really clear to me when I had to turn people away. But this was also interesting because it wasn’t the first time I had offered assistance. There’s an official “Help Map” on my neighborhood app. I’ve had my name on there for well over a year and have never received a request. But after a single more personalized offering on a different channel, I had more responses than I could handle. This suggests that, if you’re trying to connect with others to help, you probably need to put yourself out into the community on more than one platform…and you may need to be persistent.

DIRECT CONNECTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. We have a number of “safety net” organizations like the RI Food Bank, the United Way, and many others that help people in need. But it’s important to realize that these organizations are currently (and usually) overwhelmed. Further, these groups aren’t built to capture opportunities to help people when unexpected things happen, or on a last-minute basis. This is where neighbors can fill the gap and make a huge difference with one-on-one connections.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN OFFER. Some of you might ask, “What if folks need something I can’t provide? What do I actually offer?”. These are good questions, and it’s important to remember that we may need to disappoint someone if they ask for help. We may not be able to provide what they need. That’s part of the risk. But to help with this issue, ask yourself what you can comfortably provide and then make that specific thing your offer. I cook a lot, so I’m comfortable providing meals. Some people can provide an hour of free financial or legal advice. Some people can take a pet to the veterinarian. Some can take a few hours to help clean up a yard or do some laundry. Think specifically about how you can help, then make that your offer.

STAY CONNECTED. If you’re lucky enough to be able to help someone, try to keep it going. Keep checking in, stay in touch.

In closing, I hope this post is taken as intended…trying to provide some helpful advice on how to fill a real need in our neighborhoods. When last I checked, over 130 people had reacted with appreciation to my post on the neighborhood app. Imagine the impact in our neighborhoods if just half of us directly connected to a person or a family in need! I guarantee you the need is out there. It’s on us now to make it happen.